To Repent and To Forget
by Eyes-of-Pearl
Summary: “So, you’re going to kill me too? ..."


_To Repent and To Forget_

_by: Eyes-of-Pearl_

**Rating**: K+

**Synopsis & Author's Notes**: It has been awhile since I watched GW, so I'm a bit fuzzy on the details. Consider the events of this fic to be slightly AU. I also took poetic license and up the ages of all the characters.

This takes place after Heero shot down the plane carrying peacekeepers. In an attempt to repent for his failure, he is going to meet the one of the 'family' members of the person that he killed. The rating is for the subject content and theme.

**Disclaimer:** Sailor Moon and Gundam Wing belong to their respective owners.

* * *

_To Repent and To Forget_

The image haunts him every night. One push of a button, one warning from the Zero system ... he could not stop it ... he was the cause of it. The mission was perfectly executed, down to the last second, yet he could not clear his conscience. A question arises at that thought, what is this conscience? What are emotions and for that matter, guilt? He was a trained soldier, conditioned to feel no emotions. Emotions were dangerous especially in a battle, did his personal feelings factor into his present conditions? He was only following the Zero system.

His left hand shook ... it was the hand that manoeuver the controls. He felt an immediate headache coming on and his right hand went up to ruffle his ruly brown hair before placing it on top of his pounding chest. He got up from his meagre mattress and sat in front of his desk. The laptop was left on and the light from monitor was sufficient enough for him to navigate his way around the room. Then again, his current residences wasn't that big either. He stared listlessly at the blinking cursor on the computer screen. Like he did every night since his last mission, Yui Heero, pilot 01 of the Gundam Wing reflect about what went wrong that caused the lives of all the people on the aircraft carrying peacekeepers.

--o--o--

_Two weeks ago_

"Usako ... look at me please. Be strong for me, my rabbit. I will come back for you. This is a mission for peace and as my skills as a doctor and solider will be useful in the Colonies. I want this be a safer world for the both of us, Usako."

"I know, Mamo-chan. I'm so proud of you, it's just.." the blonde-haired girl broke off in mid sentence. She fought back her tears in front of her lover, her best friend. She was determined to be strong for him.

The man in front of her softened at the sight of his girlfriend who was trying so hard not to cry. He pulled her into his arms and placed his head upon hers. Chiba Mamoru breathed in the scent of vanilla from the woman in his embrace. He would miss his Tsukino Usagi. There was a long history in their relationships where they both fought mercilessly day in and day out, seven times a day, at roughly the same time each day at the local arcade.

Before he met Usagi, Mamoru normally kept to himself and he counted Furhata Motoki, the owner of the arcade as his closest and only friend. He saw no purpose of forming relationships. War constantly raged between the Colonies and on Earth and Mamoru had lost both his parents to this war when the Colonies attacked. To form relationships meant risking the chance of losing somebody that you love.

Something was different in Usagi. She was three younger than him but she saw the world in light, and sheer optimism. She was no Queen Relena who spoke of Pacifism as the solution to end all wars. Usagi believed in the heart of humanity, that there was goodness in human nature. She did not pity, only believe in hope and in turn, she saw that hope in Chiba Mamoru.

Usagi stayed in her boyfriend's arms, feeling secure. For that moment, everything was right. She knew that she would let him go and fight for peace. She understood Mamoru's reasons even though he never voiced them. He had lost his parents to the Wars and now Mamoru hoped to be part of the future that brings about peace. She reluctantly pulled away and looked up at her boyfriend.

"Mamo-chan. I won't stop you from going because I know how important this is for you. You will be in my thoughts and my heart always."

Her cerulean orbs met his own blazing azures. There were no traces of former tears in her eyes. "Usako, I would like to give you this because you too will be in my thoughts and my heart."

He retrieved a box from the inner pockets of his jacket. "Give me your hand, Usako."

The blonde's eyes were spellbound as he slipped a heart-shaped ring in her ring finger of her right hand. "No, this is not an engagement ring, but a promise from the depths of my heart simply to say that I am yours. Wear this to remember me by."

Any attempt against any tears were lost as Usagi wrapped her arms around her boyfriend and kissed him passionately on the mouth and whispered, "Aishiteru... and I'm yours, Mamo-chan."

That would be their last time together as hours later, it was reported that the plane carrying peacekeepers was destroyed by an unidentified mobile suit.

--o--o–

_Presently_

He conjured up the last moments before the explosion. The Zero system had identified the plane was the target. That was his job, the task he had been trained for. It was just another mission but at the same time, it was a different experience for Heero.

He was trained to carry out mission. That is true but always it was lifeless mobile dolls, Oz bases and mobile prototypes. He had only destroyed innocent lives only one other time ... the little girl and her dog. Now, this happened ...

He closed his prussian blues briefly and massaged his temples. The headache was gone and the pounding in his chest lessened. Then, with quick precision of his fingers, he pulled up a newspaper article from his laptop. It was one of many reports of the explosion but Heero pulled up one in particular. It was one on a memorial service for a local man, 21-year-old Chiba Mamoru, newly trained doctor. The newspaper had said, "Chiba-san left behind no known relatives except for his fiancé, Tsukino Usagi. ... the funeral service will be at ..."

Heero was making a personal mission to repent for his failures and he was going to start with Chiba-san.

--o--o–

Tsukino Usagi was not ready to say her final goodbyes. Wasn't it only yesterday that her Mamo-chan had given her the ring that is now secured on her right ring finger? In reality, it has already been two weeks. Usagi's closest friends were worried at their silent companion. She was normally cheerful and full of smiles. Now, she stood off to the side by herself, not a word. She only insisted that they were not engaged and that Mamoru had only given her a promise ring before he left ... with that, she dissolved into tears. Motoki had one arm on her shoulder for he too shared this grief. It was his best friend that they were burying.

For Usagi, the funeral was a blur. She was vaguely aware of the hand on her shoulder and her friends' silent support by her side. She was not ready to talk to them yet. In her minds eye, she saw only her last kiss with Mamo-chan and she sought for some comfort in the ring on her finger. That piece of jewelery was the only tangible thing that she had of him. Now, all she wanted was to meet the 'unidentified' person who piloted the mobile suit and caused the life of her lover.

When the service was over, Usagi remained behind. She knelt before the grave and burst into tears. Each tear fell upon the bouquet of red roses clutched in her embrace. She stayed in this position for awhile until her sixth sense alerted her of another presence. She turned and surveyed her surroundings but nobody was in sight.

--o--o–

He wondered what he hoped to accomplish by coming to the funeral service. He saw a girl with her long blonde hair pulled into two buns on top of head, silently sobbing. There wee others but she was the only one who stayed behind. 'The fiancé,' he thought.

He saw how she had carried with her a bundle of red roses with her. As she knelt before the grave and sobbed, Heero knew what he had to do. He quickly left his spot from amongst the trees, before the girl knew that he had been there.

Heero returned to the funeral site at around midnight. He thought that it was the best time for him to go for the girl would be gone by then. He was silent as he approached the site. 'Chiba Mamoru, A loving friend and lover.' Heero traced the carvings upon the tombstone.

"What are you doing here?" A voice demanded from behind him.

It was one of a few times, if any that Yui Heero was startled. To his chagrin, he dropped the bundle in his hands. A cascade of red roses fell upon the grass beneath him as Heero stared at Tsukino Usagi.

"I asked again, what are you doing here? Who are you?"

Usagi could not sleep that night and thought that the grave would bring her some comfort. She totally did not expect anybody to be there, but less a complete stranger. Now she wanted an explanation from the man before her.

She waited in silence while studying his profile. He was only wearing a thin jacket over a dark coloured shirt and pants. His chestnut coloured hair partly covered his turbulent sea-coloured eyes. Though he did not appear to be older than her, his hardening eyes spoke of great sadness. As she stared into their depths, she knew the purpose of this visit.

"You are him, aren't you ... the pilot of the unidentified mobile suit." Somehow, Usagi's voice was calm and unwavering but Heero was perceptive enough to notice the clutching of her fists.

He did not answer, but no words were needed because both of them knew the words to be true. Instead, he took out his handgun from his amongst his jacket and pointed levelly at the girl in front of him. Usagi took a step backwards, her breath was caught at this sudden turn of events.

"So, you're going to kill me too? You took my Mamo-chan away from me so why not kill me too, at least I'll be with him again. Is that what you want?" Usagi retorted defiantly.

Then, all of a sudden, Heero dropped his hands and flipped the gun until the handle was pointed at Usagi. "No, I want you to kill me. I have failed and failure is unacceptable for a soldier."

"Why?" she stammered, taking aback.

"I killed your Mamo-chan and now it is only fair that you kill me too." He stated back in a monotone, mechanical voice.

Closing off the distance, Usagi walked toward the solider in front of her. She clasped the handle of the gun and instead of taking it, she pushed his hands away. "What is your name?"

Heero turned to look at her questionably as if the words did not register in his mind. "It is a very simple question. Tell me your name."

"Yui Heero."

"Well, Heero-san. I am Tsukino Usagi."

Heero suddenly pulled away again and shouted, "Why are you asking this question? I don't deserve to live. Now I'm giving you permission to shoot me so why don't you take it?" Again, he pointed the gun at her.

"Because, I forgive you!"

"Why?" He said as he lowered his gun, never would he expect his answer.

"Because, I can see that you are hurting too. This guilt that you are placing on yourself is punishment enough. You know, when I first what happened on the news I wanted to be and I was angry at you. I was mad for Mamo-chan for leaving me. I thought that it was unfair that it had to happen to me. Now, I can see it in your eyes, Heero-san ... you have seen too many wars for one so young. You can't be older than 18 but already you are weary of life. So many lives are lost already. I have already shed so many tears these past weeks but still I can't stop. But, I think you as the soldier has made the ultimate sacrifice because I ask you this Heero-san, have you ever cried before?"

At this, Heero's legs seemed to collapse beneath him as he dropped his gun on the grass. His fall was broke by Usagi who now took him in her embrace. There he cried for the first time in his life. He cried for many things: Chiba Mamoru who was one of many whose lives were lost, the little girl and her dog ... the girl who now held him in her arms ... his own lost childhood and finally he cried for humanity.

His body shook as he mumbled, "I am sorry... It wasn't supposed to happen... It was only a mission... How can it go so wrong? I am ... sorry."

His tears eventually subsided. When he looked up, he saw that she too hard tears in her eyes. "What is your name?" he asked.

"Tsukino Usagi." she replied while drying her eyes with a tissue.

"I know he was your fiancé..."

"He gave me a promise ring to remember him by. All he wanted was the world to be a better place, a peaceful place. No matter how futile that ideal seems to be."

Heero offered no words of comfort for she knew the validity of the words. Instead, he slowly got up from the grass, helping Usagi to her feet. As he retrieved his gun, he said slowly, "I cannot bring him back, Usagi-san. I am only Yui Heero, Pilot 01 of the Gundam Wing."

She knew the gravity of this disclosure and said, "I believe in you Gundam Pilot as I believe in the goodness of this world. I know this, because the world has a chance with you and the other pilots in it. I cannot see into the future but I think that you will be a part of something great, Heero-san. Do not lose sight of your inner self. You have already repent for your mistake and with time, you will learn to forget. Now, you need to forgive yourself because only then will you allow yourself to hope."

Silence ensued before Heero turned and walked away. Leaving the previously-dropped roses upon the grave. Usagi never expected him to say anything in acknowledgement as she too walked away from the site. As she did so, she heard Heero's voice. "Never lose your optimism in life, Usagi-san because you have light in your heart... Arigato."

With that, Heero moulded with the shadows. Usagi doubted whether he heard her called back, "You're welcome, Heero-san."

That was their last and only meeting. With time, the hurt of losing Mamo-chan was lessened but still always the ring served as a constant reminder of those memories with him. Usagi never disclosed Heero's secret. Still, she was anxious of news about the Gundam Pilots especially Gundam Wing when word came that the five Gundam Pilots were battling in space against the Libra suits.

As for Heero, he often reflected upon Usagi's words ... to repent ... to forget and finally to forgive. The last was the hardest for the Perfect Soldier but as time went by, he felt that the pain and guilt were easier to bear. As he stared at the fallen piece from Libra heading toward Earth, he knew that this was his way of fulfilling Usagi's wish. He believed in himself, in his Gundam and finally, he believed in hope as he took aim with the twin Sabers of his Gundam. 'I can and I believe!' he thought as he struck.

The world watched in baited breaths as Gundam Wing took aim and fired. The blast erupted in space but the aftereffects could be seen all over Earth. Then, the denizens of that planet looked at each other and realized at that moment they were safe.

Tsukino Usagi looked from the television screen to the ring in her right hand. "He did it, Mamo-chan. Heero-san came through. Now, the Earth has a chance of real peace."

Turning her attention back to the screen before her, she said with renewed vigour, "Arigato, Heero-san."

_The End_

* * *

So that is the end of another story. I think it is going to be a one-shot but it really depends on any feedback that I get. It's different, hopefully the direction that I took was not too OOC for the characters involved. Anyways, thanks for reading and don't forget to r/r. 


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